Monday, January 24, 2011

One Less Tear

These past couple of weeks have been trying for me.  I have felt beaten down by life, felt helpless to effect the kind of change I want, frustrated and tired of facing one struggle after another.  I need a break.  Can I get a time out?  I've been angry.  I'm tired of obstacles coming into my life that I have no control over.  I've put so much effort into guarding my heart and yet I find it broken again.  I find no humor in the irony.  I have reached my breaking point.  I don't understand what God is up to or why he has allowed such struggle in my life.  I am tired.  They say that trials come to make you strong.  Well if that's the case then people can stop calling me Kevin and start calling me the Incredible Hulk!  And I can't be the only one who has ever felt this way.  Sometimes you want to say, "Hey God, remember me?  I know you're busy and all, but a little help here would be nice.  Thanks!"

"Hold on.  Don't give up.  Hang in there."  Hearing these words are not very comforting when you are facing great difficulty, but what other option is there?  I'm hurting right now.  I'm angry right now.  I'm tired and frustrated right now,  but I'm not ready to give up.  I have to keep going.  I've experienced too many moments of joy to give up now.  And though I'm not particularly feeling this joy at this moment I know it will return, because the One who provides this joy is faithful.

Let's be honest, life can very quickly and unexpectedly become very difficult.  Sometimes success is crying one less tear than you did the day before.  You can't always fly.  You can't always run.  Sometimes you have to walk and when you don't have the strength for that sometimes you have to crawl.  The most important thing is that you keep moving.  What other option is there?

I trust God.  I often don't understand what He's up to, but I trust God and I am waiting patiently for joy to return because I know that it will.

Following the Way,

Monday, January 3, 2011

More Than Grateful

This Christmas I didn’t need anything waiting for me under the tree because I had already received so much.  I experienced the faithfulness of God in such a profound way in 2010.  I feel so full right now.  I’m so tempted to leap out of my chair and have a praise break right here in the office!  GOD IS GOOD!!!  This is the cry of my heart right now.  In the midst of transition and uncertainty God is good and has proven to me over and over again that He can be trusted.

I just need to publicly thank God for all that I have received in 2010.  It was a year of major transition for me and God was there to lead me every step of the way.  He never left me alone. When I couldn’t walk he carried me.  When I was weak his presence made me strong. When worry began to grip my heart he gave me peace.  When friends walked away he brought wonderful people into my life to fill the void.  When I needed a new church home he blessed me with an amazing community of faith I am honored to be a part of.  When I experienced lack he provided.  When I failed he showed me grace.  When I fell he showed mercy.  When I was hungry and thirsty for something more than this world could provide he filled me with himself and now I am satisfied. 

What did I ever do to deserve such love and what can I ever do to repay God for it?  I am overwhelmed and I must say thank you.  I am more than grateful for God’s abiding indwelling presence.  I am more than grateful for this strength and joy that leaps up out of my soul when I need it most.  I am more than grateful for this love that cannot be named, that cannot adequately be described or measured that I can feel deep within the marrow of my bones, coursing through my veins, echoing in even the darkest corners of my soul where no one else dare go.  I am more than grateful that I have fallen in love with a God who had already fallen in love with me from day one.

It’s too much to take in.  I am held by love.  I am carried by love.  I am drowning in love.  I can’t understand it.  I can’t explain it.  I can’t repay God for it.  All I can say is thank you!

Following the Way,