Friday, February 22, 2013

Not Enough Tears

I woke up this morning and couldn't stop crying.  Every time I thought I was done I would start back up again.  I couldn't stop the tears from pouring down my face, but it's not what you think.  I am not sad.  I am not depressed.  I am overwhelmed by the faithfulness of God and the gratitude I feel deep inside reverberating through my soul, rolling like thunder in my spirit.

I recently received the news that I have been awarded a merit scholarship that covers 100% of my tuition for seminary.  It is EXACTLY what I asked God to provide and indeed God has provided.  God is faithful .  I've been fighting the call to full time ministry for a long time and resisted the call to seminary.  How can I afford to go full time when I need to pay my rent?  How can I afford tuition?  How will I be ordained afterwards?  Despite the questions the call remained so I said, "Ok God, if you want me to go to divinity school I'll go, but I don't have the money for it and I'm not taking out any more loans so you have to pay for it."  I have received God's response to this request and my soul is flooded with gratitude.

God has been so faithul and has made his presence known to me since I was a young child.  When I look back over my life and think about all God has done for me, all I can say is thank you.  Thank you for blessing me.  Thank you for keeping me.  Thank you for opening doors for me.  Thank you for making a way out of no way.  Thank you for holding me in pain, in sorrow, in loss, in loneliness, in disappointment and bringing me out.  Thank you for being faithful even when I am not.

There are not enough tears to shed, not enough words to say, not enough songs to sing to adequately express my gratitude so let my life be one big thank you to you O God.  Let every moment of my life be drenched with gratitude for your goodness.  Every time my heart beats let it say thank you.  Every time my lungs take in air let them say thank you.  And when it's time to put away this life like an old used up rag, grant me this honor and allow the last words on my lips to be: thank you.

Oh, give thanks to the Lord, for he is good! For his mercy endures forever. Psalm 136:1

Following the Way,

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