Our Weeping God

Indeed, God has a sense of humor or at the very least an exceptionally developed sense of irony!  It was just a few days ago that I was watching an episode of Project Runway with my roommate (Don’t judge me).  I was getting irritated because there were grown men on the show coming undone emotionally and weeping like somebody died over something as small as a dress!  There was one in particular.  I know he couldn’t hear me, but I couldn’t help but talk to the screen and say “Man up!  For God’s sake man, pull yourself together!”

Well, what do you know a few days later I find myself collapsed on the cold tile of the bathroom floor weeping like somebody died!  The next day I thought, “Ok Jesus, well played.  I hear ya.  Judge not lest ye be judged.  I get it now.  Point taken Lord, point taken. Can we move on to the next lesson now?”

Jesus wept.  John 11:35

 It’s the shortest verse in the Bible but it says so much.  Jesus wasn’t weeping because he was having a bad day or feeling particularly emotional that day.  He wept because he looked upon the pain of Martha and Mary as they mourned the loss of their brother and was moved by it.  He could not see their pain and not feel it himself.  He could not look upon their tears without shedding his own.

This is our God, our weeping God.  A God who loves us so much that our pain becomes God’s pain.  A God humble enough to leave the majesty of heaven to come weep with us, in our pain, in our sorrows, in our difficulties, in our broken places.  In the silence of our grief our God can be found holding us, comforting us, simply being present and bearing witness to our pain.

I was not alone on that bathroom floor.  Jesus saw my pain and just couldn’t help himself.  He came down, found some space on that bathroom floor and wept with me.  For this I am grateful.  For this my heart is overflowing with love for this weeping God and my mouth with praise.  For this I cannot help but tell the world I have a found a Love beyond words that never fails, never fades, and never falters.   It is always enough.  This weeping God is enough. 

My heart is fixed on this, that I am never alone and we are never alone.  Our God is never ashamed to weep when we weep and I will never be ashamed of our weeping God.

Following the Way,

Kevin

The Blessing of a Broken Heart

There's a blessing in having a broken heart.  I know this may sound strange, but I know it to be true in my own life.  In fact, I believe it is true for anyone following the spiritual path.  For believers it is important to remember that Christ did not come to remove our brokenness.  Anyone who thinks that following Jesus means you'll never cry or experience pain or illness or setbacks and difficulty is dead wrong!  For Christ did not come to remove our brokenness but to dwell more fully within it.  We are not blessed or broken; we are blessed and broken.  Christ came to dwell in our brokenness; to make our broken places his dwelling place.  So a broken heart with all of the grief and heaviness that comes with it is an opportunity to sink deeper into Jesus and for Jesus to sink deeper into us.  For this I am grateful.  Sometimes the only thing that can water the soil of our faith is our tears.

This is what I've been experiencing recently.  Facing some heavy disappointment I turned to God in prayer and felt the love and comfort only God can provide.  I said "God I lift my broken heart to You" and immediately felt God's response: God's abiding indwelling presence.  When I look back over my life I can't imagine how I would have survived if not for God carrying me through the hard times.  Over the years I've discovered that a heart that is broken has more room for God to dwell in.  A broken heart can be the catalyst for intimacy and drive us straight into the arms of God where we realize everything we need can be found there.  It reminds us of our need for God and allows us to rediscover the comfort and encouragement only God can bring.  For this I am grateful.

So when you find yourself with a heart that is breaking know that you're in a good place because a heart that can be broken is a heart that can be touched, that can be filled, that can be moved by the suffering of others, by the sound of laughter, by the simple sensation of a gentle passing breeze.  A heart that can be broken is the perfect place for God to dwell.  We are often ashamed of our brokenness, our weakness, our shortcomings.  Not God; for our brokenness is the place where God desires to dwell the most.  From God's perspective it's the best room in the house!  It's the place that God can mend, heal, restore and cause to expand.  You are blessed even in your brokenness so allow God to dwell in your broken places. It will make all the difference.  It has for me time and time again and is so even now.

"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God".  1 Corinthians 2:3-4

Following the Way,

Kevin

Meeting God in the Storm

On Sunday, August 28 Boston got a taste of Tropical Storm Irene.  I had begun to move from one apartment to another the day before.  Yes I know, bad timing!  I was at my mom's, sitting in her bed upstairs, listening to the wind howl and the rain beat heavily against the window.  It's the same house I grew up in as a child and even in adulthood there is something so comforting about being in my mom's room, wrapped up in her blankets!  From time to time I have trouble sleeping.  There are some nights like last night when I just lay awake for hours, but EVERY time I visit my mom and sneak off into her room I fall asleep, EVERY single time.  I just can't explain it.

Anyway, I was in bed watching TV, so glad to be completely sheltered from the storm when I began to feel the presence of God slip into the room.  It was unexpected, but it should not have been.  I allowed myself to be still for a moment and became aware of the Presence that had always been there.  It happens every time I allow myself to be still.  I thought to myself isn't it just like God to show up in the middle of a storm?  The wind is raging outside, knocking down tree branches and power lines.  The rain is beating against the window as if it really wants to come in and here comes God, quietly, but so surely stepping into the room and meeting me in the middle of the storm.  I began to pray and I began to feel that every single storm I've ever experienced in my life would be used by God to bring out something good, that all of the things I've thought of as burdens God would use them to become sources of blessing for me and for others.

This is the God that I know, the God who is not deterred by raging winds and relentless rain.  The God who is not deterred by your past.  The God who is not deterred by your rage.  The God who is not deterred by your unbelief.  This God will meet you in the storm, whatever storm you may be experiencing in your life right now.  God will meet you there and God will use the very things that came into your life to hurt you to bless you.  The God who turns burdens into blessings will meet you in the storm.

And so I say thank you, even for the winds and the rain, even for the challenges and the obstacles, even for the disappointments and the pain.  If I had never shed a tear than I would have never discovered the God who turns tears into dancing.  And so I say thank you, even for the storm, but most of all for the God who's not afraid to meet me there.

Following the Way,
Kevin

Eyes That See

The Gift of Presence

I had dinner with a friend yesterday.  It had been a while since we had gotten together just the two of us and we finally got around to scheduling something and making it happen.  I can't tell you how much of a gift it was to have a simple dinner with a friend.  We took our time.  I got to her place at 6:30 and didn't leave to head home until 10.  In such a hurried world where everyone is in such a rush and everyone has so many things to do, it was such a blessing to feel the freedom to relax and enjoy the company of a friend without a strict time limit.

I went home feeling strengthened, unburdened and at peace.  Why? What caused that?  It wasn't the meal even though dinner was great.  It wasn't dessert.  Although I have to say that the frozen yogurt we picked up after dinner came close to changing my life!  It was the best frozen yogurt I had ever had.  I strongly recommend that you find your way to a Pinkberry in Cambridge or Boston if possible.  It will change your life or come pretty close :)  Anyway, as good as my mango frozen yogurt topped with fresh strawberries was (Thank you Jesus), that's not what made me feel better.  I felt better simply being in the presence of someone who cares for me.  It was the gift of her presence to me that made me feel better, made my problems feel more manageable, made me feel less alone.

The gift of presence.  There's really no substitute for it.  Especially when someone is hurting it's the best gift you can give.  Simply be present.  I know we're all very busy with so many things to do, but I would like to put forth a challenge.  Get better at responding to your emails.  Get better at returning your phone calls.  Get better at following up with a friend who wants to get together.  Give someone the gift of your presence.  It's more powerful than you probably realize.  Don't underestimate the difference it may make in someone's life.  Simply be present to those you say you care about.  You may change a life without ever knowing it.  Give someone the gift of your presence.  You are needed more than you realize.

Following the Way,
Kevin

More Than Grateful

This Christmas I didn’t need anything waiting for me under the tree because I had already received so much.  I experienced the faithfulness of God in such a profound way in 2010.  I feel so full right now.  I’m so tempted to leap out of my chair and have a praise break right here in the office!  GOD IS GOOD!!!  This is the cry of my heart right now.  In the midst of transition and uncertainty God is good and has proven to me over and over again that He can be trusted.

I just need to publicly thank God for all that I have received in 2010.  It was a year of major transition for me and God was there to lead me every step of the way.  He never left me alone. When I couldn’t walk he carried me.  When I was weak his presence made me strong. When worry began to grip my heart he gave me peace.  When friends walked away he brought wonderful people into my life to fill the void.  When I needed a new church home he blessed me with an amazing community of faith I am honored to be a part of.  When I experienced lack he provided.  When I failed he showed me grace.  When I fell he showed mercy.  When I was hungry and thirsty for something more than this world could provide he filled me with himself and now I am satisfied. 

What did I ever do to deserve such love and what can I ever do to repay God for it?  I am overwhelmed and I must say thank you.  I am more than grateful for God’s abiding indwelling presence.  I am more than grateful for this strength and joy that leaps up out of my soul when I need it most.  I am more than grateful for this love that cannot be named, that cannot adequately be described or measured that I can feel deep within the marrow of my bones, coursing through my veins, echoing in even the darkest corners of my soul where no one else dare go.  I am more than grateful that I have fallen in love with a God who had already fallen in love with me from day one.

It’s too much to take in.  I am held by love.  I am carried by love.  I am drowning in love.  I can’t understand it.  I can’t explain it.  I can’t repay God for it.  All I can say is thank you!

Following the Way,

Kevin

Good Morning God

I woke up this morning and I said, "Good Morning God".  It's a spiritual practice I have used in the past and am returning to again.  It's a practice that emphasizes devotion.  By setting aside my first words of every morning to God I demonstrate the place of importance God holds in my life.  In saying Good Morning I am saying to God: You are my first love.  You are the first thing on my mind when I awake; the first thing upon my heart when I begin to stir myself out of bed.  Before my feet even touch the floor I long to commune with You. Brushing my teeth, washing my face, emptying my bladder can wait; I must greet the One who watched over me all night as I was sleeping.  I must reach out to the One who is always reaching out to me. I must turn to face the One who has never hidden his face from me and so I simply say Good Morning.

It's also a practice that emphasizes presence.  I greet God because I realize that God is there and is always there.  There will never be a morning when I will awake to find myself alone.  No, God is always there and by simply saying Good Morning my spirit is reminded of this fact.  And knowing this makes all the difference in how I go about my day whatever it may hold.

Good Morning God!  I am more than grateful for the privilege of greeting You this morning and sharing with You another day.

Following the Way,
Kevin

More Than I Can Bear

My beautiful niece Lia was born on Thursday, July 29 at 8:42 in the morning.  I was thrilled at the news and rushed to the hospital as soon as I got off work to welcome my niece into the world.  I can't quite describe it, but there's something so beautiful, spiritual and transcendent about being able to lay your eyes upon a human being during their first day on the planet!

Lia was so beautiful.  I could do nothing but stop and stare.  And for a moment I became enveloped in a holy silence brought about by a deep sense of awe and wonder.  It was so humbling.  Lia was small and largely silent, sleeping most of the time I was there, but she had such presence.  She radiated such peace and tranquility that seemed to fill the whole room and hover in the air.  It was almost too much to bear.  I thought, wow, what a gift to be able to be here at this moment and witness such beauty!  Every issue or problem I had just vanished from my mind and I realized I wasn't just in the presence of my niece but I was standing in the presence of Something much, much bigger than Lia and me.  What a gift!

I am grateful for Lia.  I am grateful for moments like these that help put things in perspective.  I am honored and humbled to be given the privilege of experiencing such richness in life.  The joy in my heart, the song in my soul, the peace in my spirit is almost more than I can bear and I am grateful.

Following the Way,
Kevin

Better Late Than Never

Ok, so this is long overdue! I've been writing here and there for years and I have finally gotten around to starting a blog (I have always been a late bloomer :) I am very excited to share this journey with you! This blog is about my walk with the awesome Mystery we call God. Every one of us is on a personal journey through life and for me God has been a part of my journey for a very long time.

God cannot adequately be defined with words, cannot adequately be understood with the mind, cannot be seen with the eye or touched by the hand, but God, God's presence, God's love, God's joy, can be felt, and for the millions of us all around the globe who are believers, this is all we need. Not to see God with our eyes, not to touch God with our hands, not to prove the existence of God with science or mathematical equations but to feel the presence of God deep down in the marrow of our bones, filling up the deepest crevices of our souls, illuminating the darkest and coldest corners of our hearts.

To be loved by God and to have the honor of loving God in return as well as our fellow man. What could be better than this? For me, nothing. I am following the Way and you are welcome to come join me.