Bearing Witness

Bearing witness…it doesn’t seem like much and indeed it is not enough, but it’s where we begin.  It’s where the journey of bringing God’s dream of justice to the world begins.  When tragedy strikes we should resist the urge to turn our heads and look the other way, instead we should stay and bear witness to the pain, to the loss, to the suffering.  For it is only after we bear witness to such things that we are motivated to act. 

On Saturday, May 12, the brothers at SSJE hosted a vigil to remember LGBTQ youth who committed suicide and Bishop Tom Shaw gave a thoughtful sermon.  The ceremony was so beautiful and so sad.  As I knelt down to light a few candles and saw the pictures of youth who had taken their lives scattered on the floor I was shaken.  Such loss, such unnecessary loss!  Our support had arrived too late, bearing witness was the least we could do. 

And so now I invite you to join us in bearing witness to the immeasurable value of the lives lost and the fact that their deaths were totally preventable.  The God of love and compassion who sees all is inviting all of us to participate in the divine work of bearing witness to injustice wherever it appears and taking action.  Will you accept the invitation?  Will you bear witness? 

Let us not look away when our young people take their own lives.  Let us not look away when over 1000 sweat shop workers in Bangladesh die in a building collapse so we can continue to buy our trendy clothes at discounted rates.  Let us not look away when the lives of the poor all over the world are trampled upon so that the wealthiest among us can become even wealthier.  Let us bear witness to every tear, every act of violence, every life needlessly lost, every cry of injustice. And for the sake of God’s love and for the world, let us act.

Following the Way,

Kevin Vetiac

Not Enough Tears

I woke up this morning and couldn't stop crying.  Every time I thought I was done I would start back up again.  I couldn't stop the tears from pouring down my face, but it's not what you think.  I am not sad.  I am not depressed.  I am overwhelmed by the faithfulness of God and the gratitude I feel deep inside reverberating through my soul, rolling like thunder in my spirit.

I recently received the news that I have been awarded a merit scholarship that covers 100% of my tuition for seminary.  It is EXACTLY what I asked God to provide and indeed God has provided.  God is faithful .  I've been fighting the call to full time ministry for a long time and resisted the call to seminary.  How can I afford to go full time when I need to pay my rent?  How can I afford tuition?  How will I be ordained afterwards?  Despite the questions the call remained so I said, "Ok God, if you want me to go to divinity school I'll go, but I don't have the money for it and I'm not taking out any more loans so you have to pay for it."  I have received God's response to this request and my soul is flooded with gratitude.

God has been so faithul and has made his presence known to me since I was a young child.  When I look back over my life and think about all God has done for me, all I can say is thank you.  Thank you for blessing me.  Thank you for keeping me.  Thank you for opening doors for me.  Thank you for making a way out of no way.  Thank you for holding me in pain, in sorrow, in loss, in loneliness, in disappointment and bringing me out.  Thank you for being faithful even when I am not.

There are not enough tears to shed, not enough words to say, not enough songs to sing to adequately express my gratitude so let my life be one big thank you to you O God.  Let every moment of my life be drenched with gratitude for your goodness.  Every time my heart beats let it say thank you.  Every time my lungs take in air let them say thank you.  And when it's time to put away this life like an old used up rag, grant me this honor and allow the last words on my lips to be: thank you.

Oh, give thanks to the Lord, for he is good! For his mercy endures forever. Psalm 136:1

Following the Way,
Kevin

Our Weeping God

Indeed, God has a sense of humor or at the very least an exceptionally developed sense of irony!  It was just a few days ago that I was watching an episode of Project Runway with my roommate (Don’t judge me).  I was getting irritated because there were grown men on the show coming undone emotionally and weeping like somebody died over something as small as a dress!  There was one in particular.  I know he couldn’t hear me, but I couldn’t help but talk to the screen and say “Man up!  For God’s sake man, pull yourself together!”

Well, what do you know a few days later I find myself collapsed on the cold tile of the bathroom floor weeping like somebody died!  The next day I thought, “Ok Jesus, well played.  I hear ya.  Judge not lest ye be judged.  I get it now.  Point taken Lord, point taken. Can we move on to the next lesson now?”

Jesus wept.  John 11:35

 It’s the shortest verse in the Bible but it says so much.  Jesus wasn’t weeping because he was having a bad day or feeling particularly emotional that day.  He wept because he looked upon the pain of Martha and Mary as they mourned the loss of their brother and was moved by it.  He could not see their pain and not feel it himself.  He could not look upon their tears without shedding his own.

This is our God, our weeping God.  A God who loves us so much that our pain becomes God’s pain.  A God humble enough to leave the majesty of heaven to come weep with us, in our pain, in our sorrows, in our difficulties, in our broken places.  In the silence of our grief our God can be found holding us, comforting us, simply being present and bearing witness to our pain.

I was not alone on that bathroom floor.  Jesus saw my pain and just couldn’t help himself.  He came down, found some space on that bathroom floor and wept with me.  For this I am grateful.  For this my heart is overflowing with love for this weeping God and my mouth with praise.  For this I cannot help but tell the world I have a found a Love beyond words that never fails, never fades, and never falters.   It is always enough.  This weeping God is enough. 

My heart is fixed on this, that I am never alone and we are never alone.  Our God is never ashamed to weep when we weep and I will never be ashamed of our weeping God.

Following the Way,

Kevin

The Blessing of a Broken Heart

There's a blessing in having a broken heart.  I know this may sound strange, but I know it to be true in my own life.  In fact, I believe it is true for anyone following the spiritual path.  For believers it is important to remember that Christ did not come to remove our brokenness.  Anyone who thinks that following Jesus means you'll never cry or experience pain or illness or setbacks and difficulty is dead wrong!  For Christ did not come to remove our brokenness but to dwell more fully within it.  We are not blessed or broken; we are blessed and broken.  Christ came to dwell in our brokenness; to make our broken places his dwelling place.  So a broken heart with all of the grief and heaviness that comes with it is an opportunity to sink deeper into Jesus and for Jesus to sink deeper into us.  For this I am grateful.  Sometimes the only thing that can water the soil of our faith is our tears.

This is what I've been experiencing recently.  Facing some heavy disappointment I turned to God in prayer and felt the love and comfort only God can provide.  I said "God I lift my broken heart to You" and immediately felt God's response: God's abiding indwelling presence.  When I look back over my life I can't imagine how I would have survived if not for God carrying me through the hard times.  Over the years I've discovered that a heart that is broken has more room for God to dwell in.  A broken heart can be the catalyst for intimacy and drive us straight into the arms of God where we realize everything we need can be found there.  It reminds us of our need for God and allows us to rediscover the comfort and encouragement only God can bring.  For this I am grateful.

So when you find yourself with a heart that is breaking know that you're in a good place because a heart that can be broken is a heart that can be touched, that can be filled, that can be moved by the suffering of others, by the sound of laughter, by the simple sensation of a gentle passing breeze.  A heart that can be broken is the perfect place for God to dwell.  We are often ashamed of our brokenness, our weakness, our shortcomings.  Not God; for our brokenness is the place where God desires to dwell the most.  From God's perspective it's the best room in the house!  It's the place that God can mend, heal, restore and cause to expand.  You are blessed even in your brokenness so allow God to dwell in your broken places. It will make all the difference.  It has for me time and time again and is so even now.

"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God".  1 Corinthians 2:3-4

Following the Way,

Kevin

Meeting God in the Storm

On Sunday, August 28 Boston got a taste of Tropical Storm Irene.  I had begun to move from one apartment to another the day before.  Yes I know, bad timing!  I was at my mom's, sitting in her bed upstairs, listening to the wind howl and the rain beat heavily against the window.  It's the same house I grew up in as a child and even in adulthood there is something so comforting about being in my mom's room, wrapped up in her blankets!  From time to time I have trouble sleeping.  There are some nights like last night when I just lay awake for hours, but EVERY time I visit my mom and sneak off into her room I fall asleep, EVERY single time.  I just can't explain it.

Anyway, I was in bed watching TV, so glad to be completely sheltered from the storm when I began to feel the presence of God slip into the room.  It was unexpected, but it should not have been.  I allowed myself to be still for a moment and became aware of the Presence that had always been there.  It happens every time I allow myself to be still.  I thought to myself isn't it just like God to show up in the middle of a storm?  The wind is raging outside, knocking down tree branches and power lines.  The rain is beating against the window as if it really wants to come in and here comes God, quietly, but so surely stepping into the room and meeting me in the middle of the storm.  I began to pray and I began to feel that every single storm I've ever experienced in my life would be used by God to bring out something good, that all of the things I've thought of as burdens God would use them to become sources of blessing for me and for others.

This is the God that I know, the God who is not deterred by raging winds and relentless rain.  The God who is not deterred by your past.  The God who is not deterred by your rage.  The God who is not deterred by your unbelief.  This God will meet you in the storm, whatever storm you may be experiencing in your life right now.  God will meet you there and God will use the very things that came into your life to hurt you to bless you.  The God who turns burdens into blessings will meet you in the storm.

And so I say thank you, even for the winds and the rain, even for the challenges and the obstacles, even for the disappointments and the pain.  If I had never shed a tear than I would have never discovered the God who turns tears into dancing.  And so I say thank you, even for the storm, but most of all for the God who's not afraid to meet me there.

Following the Way,
Kevin

One Less Tear

These past couple of weeks have been trying for me.  I have felt beaten down by life, felt helpless to effect the kind of change I want, frustrated and tired of facing one struggle after another.  I need a break.  Can I get a time out?  I've been angry.  I'm tired of obstacles coming into my life that I have no control over.  I've put so much effort into guarding my heart and yet I find it broken again.  I find no humor in the irony.  I have reached my breaking point.  I don't understand what God is up to or why he has allowed such struggle in my life.  I am tired.  They say that trials come to make you strong.  Well if that's the case then people can stop calling me Kevin and start calling me the Incredible Hulk!  And I can't be the only one who has ever felt this way.  Sometimes you want to say, "Hey God, remember me?  I know you're busy and all, but a little help here would be nice.  Thanks!"

"Hold on.  Don't give up.  Hang in there."  Hearing these words are not very comforting when you are facing great difficulty, but what other option is there?  I'm hurting right now.  I'm angry right now.  I'm tired and frustrated right now,  but I'm not ready to give up.  I have to keep going.  I've experienced too many moments of joy to give up now.  And though I'm not particularly feeling this joy at this moment I know it will return, because the One who provides this joy is faithful.

Let's be honest, life can very quickly and unexpectedly become very difficult.  Sometimes success is crying one less tear than you did the day before.  You can't always fly.  You can't always run.  Sometimes you have to walk and when you don't have the strength for that sometimes you have to crawl.  The most important thing is that you keep moving.  What other option is there?

I trust God.  I often don't understand what He's up to, but I trust God and I am waiting patiently for joy to return because I know that it will.

Following the Way,

Kevin