Bearing Witness

Bearing witness…it doesn’t seem like much and indeed it is not enough, but it’s where we begin.  It’s where the journey of bringing God’s dream of justice to the world begins.  When tragedy strikes we should resist the urge to turn our heads and look the other way, instead we should stay and bear witness to the pain, to the loss, to the suffering.  For it is only after we bear witness to such things that we are motivated to act. 

On Saturday, May 12, the brothers at SSJE hosted a vigil to remember LGBTQ youth who committed suicide and Bishop Tom Shaw gave a thoughtful sermon.  The ceremony was so beautiful and so sad.  As I knelt down to light a few candles and saw the pictures of youth who had taken their lives scattered on the floor I was shaken.  Such loss, such unnecessary loss!  Our support had arrived too late, bearing witness was the least we could do. 

And so now I invite you to join us in bearing witness to the immeasurable value of the lives lost and the fact that their deaths were totally preventable.  The God of love and compassion who sees all is inviting all of us to participate in the divine work of bearing witness to injustice wherever it appears and taking action.  Will you accept the invitation?  Will you bear witness? 

Let us not look away when our young people take their own lives.  Let us not look away when over 1000 sweat shop workers in Bangladesh die in a building collapse so we can continue to buy our trendy clothes at discounted rates.  Let us not look away when the lives of the poor all over the world are trampled upon so that the wealthiest among us can become even wealthier.  Let us bear witness to every tear, every act of violence, every life needlessly lost, every cry of injustice. And for the sake of God’s love and for the world, let us act.

Following the Way,

Kevin Vetiac

Our Weeping God

Indeed, God has a sense of humor or at the very least an exceptionally developed sense of irony!  It was just a few days ago that I was watching an episode of Project Runway with my roommate (Don’t judge me).  I was getting irritated because there were grown men on the show coming undone emotionally and weeping like somebody died over something as small as a dress!  There was one in particular.  I know he couldn’t hear me, but I couldn’t help but talk to the screen and say “Man up!  For God’s sake man, pull yourself together!”

Well, what do you know a few days later I find myself collapsed on the cold tile of the bathroom floor weeping like somebody died!  The next day I thought, “Ok Jesus, well played.  I hear ya.  Judge not lest ye be judged.  I get it now.  Point taken Lord, point taken. Can we move on to the next lesson now?”

Jesus wept.  John 11:35

 It’s the shortest verse in the Bible but it says so much.  Jesus wasn’t weeping because he was having a bad day or feeling particularly emotional that day.  He wept because he looked upon the pain of Martha and Mary as they mourned the loss of their brother and was moved by it.  He could not see their pain and not feel it himself.  He could not look upon their tears without shedding his own.

This is our God, our weeping God.  A God who loves us so much that our pain becomes God’s pain.  A God humble enough to leave the majesty of heaven to come weep with us, in our pain, in our sorrows, in our difficulties, in our broken places.  In the silence of our grief our God can be found holding us, comforting us, simply being present and bearing witness to our pain.

I was not alone on that bathroom floor.  Jesus saw my pain and just couldn’t help himself.  He came down, found some space on that bathroom floor and wept with me.  For this I am grateful.  For this my heart is overflowing with love for this weeping God and my mouth with praise.  For this I cannot help but tell the world I have a found a Love beyond words that never fails, never fades, and never falters.   It is always enough.  This weeping God is enough. 

My heart is fixed on this, that I am never alone and we are never alone.  Our God is never ashamed to weep when we weep and I will never be ashamed of our weeping God.

Following the Way,

Kevin

The Blessing of a Broken Heart

There's a blessing in having a broken heart.  I know this may sound strange, but I know it to be true in my own life.  In fact, I believe it is true for anyone following the spiritual path.  For believers it is important to remember that Christ did not come to remove our brokenness.  Anyone who thinks that following Jesus means you'll never cry or experience pain or illness or setbacks and difficulty is dead wrong!  For Christ did not come to remove our brokenness but to dwell more fully within it.  We are not blessed or broken; we are blessed and broken.  Christ came to dwell in our brokenness; to make our broken places his dwelling place.  So a broken heart with all of the grief and heaviness that comes with it is an opportunity to sink deeper into Jesus and for Jesus to sink deeper into us.  For this I am grateful.  Sometimes the only thing that can water the soil of our faith is our tears.

This is what I've been experiencing recently.  Facing some heavy disappointment I turned to God in prayer and felt the love and comfort only God can provide.  I said "God I lift my broken heart to You" and immediately felt God's response: God's abiding indwelling presence.  When I look back over my life I can't imagine how I would have survived if not for God carrying me through the hard times.  Over the years I've discovered that a heart that is broken has more room for God to dwell in.  A broken heart can be the catalyst for intimacy and drive us straight into the arms of God where we realize everything we need can be found there.  It reminds us of our need for God and allows us to rediscover the comfort and encouragement only God can bring.  For this I am grateful.

So when you find yourself with a heart that is breaking know that you're in a good place because a heart that can be broken is a heart that can be touched, that can be filled, that can be moved by the suffering of others, by the sound of laughter, by the simple sensation of a gentle passing breeze.  A heart that can be broken is the perfect place for God to dwell.  We are often ashamed of our brokenness, our weakness, our shortcomings.  Not God; for our brokenness is the place where God desires to dwell the most.  From God's perspective it's the best room in the house!  It's the place that God can mend, heal, restore and cause to expand.  You are blessed even in your brokenness so allow God to dwell in your broken places. It will make all the difference.  It has for me time and time again and is so even now.

"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God".  1 Corinthians 2:3-4

Following the Way,

Kevin

Surviving The Storm

Boy was I unprepared for the sudden rain storm that hit yesterday!  Thank goodness there was an umbrella in the office.  Looking out the window it didn't seem so bad, but the moment I stepped outside it just started pouring buckets.  I haven't seen rain fall like that in a long time.  Wearing just a t-shirt and shorts I clung to that umbrella, but the rain was pounding against it so hard I wasn't sure if it would hold up.  By the time I got home I was a wet mess!

The storms of life are often the same way: sudden, blinding and intense.  You can't help but wonder in the middle of it, "Am I going to make it out of here"?  They come out of nowhere and just descend.  An unexpected car accident, job lay-offs, illness, conflict in relationships, these storms can suddenly descend with a fury that makes us wonder are we going to survive.

"I've never been through a storm that did not pass over".  This is a line from a gospel song; it's so simple and so true.  A few hours after I came home a sopping wet mess yesterday, the rain stopped completely and the sun made a reappearance.  The storm and all it's fury passed over.  Every storm comes to an end regardless of how big, bad or ugly the storm is.  Every storm passes over.

I'm not sure what storms you may be facing in your life at this moment.  I've got a few storms raging right now myself.  Maybe you're dealing with a storm of loneliness, depression or economic hardship.  Whatever the storm is, no matter how strong the wind, no matter how blinding the rain, no matter how loud the thunder, know this: EVERY storm you face in life WILL pass over.

There is life after failure.  There is life after divorce.  There is life after a miscarriage.  There is life a after a cancer diagnosis.  There is life even after your hopes and dreams seem to shatter into a million little pieces.  You will survive the storm.  Let me say it again.  You will survive the storm.

"So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God.  I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10

Following The Way,
Kevin

Making Peace with Disappointment

Anyway

My best friend wrote this song years ago and it is still a source of encouragement to me to this very day.  For anyone experiencing pain, difficulty, loss or just the twists and turns of life, may this song encourage you as well.  

Following The Way,

Kevin

Anyway

By Lois Commodore

In the good times it’s so easy to smile.  It’s so easy to pray when there are sunny days.

But when the bad times come and my tears block the sun, I’ll still praise the Lord anyway.

The Lord gives and He takes away.  I will praise his name anyway.

The Lord gives and He takes away and I will praise his name anyway.

I don’t know if tomorrow will bring me joy or sorrow.  Sometimes uncertainty gets the best of me.  But in God my future is sure.  I know I am secure so I will praise the Lord anyway.

The Lord gives and He takes away.  I will praise his name anyway.

The Lord gives and He takes away and I will praise his name anyway.

Persecuted but not forgotten; cast down but never broken.  When loved ones leave and friends turn away, I can still find the peace to lift my voice and say.

He gives, He gives and He takes away.  I will praise his name anyway.

The Lord gives and He takes away and I will praise his name anyway.

When God Disappoints

I have to admit I do not handle disappointment well.  When people disappointment me there's an automatic response in me to withdraw.  I don't even realize I'm doing it most times and many times it's a subtle withdrawal: a facial expression, the absence of a smile, a polite coldness.  I'm often not aware that I am subtly withdrawing until someone points it out to me.  It's something I have struggled with for a very long time, but I need to learn to make peace with disappointment because it's a guarantee that people will disappoint you from time to time.  Disappointment from people is inevitable, but what do you do when you feel disappointed by God?  I don't know.  I'm working through this right now.

Anyone who walks with God long enough will experience disappointment with God.  It's a part of the authentic journey with God.  Walk with God long enough and God will disappoint you.  Not because God wants to hurt your feelings, not because God ceases to be faithful; God never ceases to be faithful, but because God often does the unexpected and often leaves the expected undone.  Our disappointment stems from our expectations of God and sometimes, as in any relationship, our expectations need to be adjusted.

I am disappointed with God right now regarding a major area of my life.  I have asked for God's help with something that I cannot make happen on my own and it hasn't happened yet.  I feel like it's been a long time.  I have watched many other people in my life have what I am still praying for and there are times when I can't help but ask,  "God where are you?  Do you see me?  Can't you see that I'm hurting?  Do you care?  When are you going to do something?  I can't make this happen on my own and I don't think I can wait much longer."  It's hard.  It's frustrating.  I feel it's unfair.  I don't know what to do.

I withdrew from God in prayer because I couldn't help but feel that God was responsible for my pain in some way.  Has anyone else ever felt that way?  I felt that God was just watching me go through life with a broken heart and not doing anything so I withdrew.  I stopped talking to God in prayer and in doing so I cut myself off from a major source of strength in my life.  Big mistake!

So what do I do now?  My back is against the wall.  I can't fall back on my default position: withdrawal; that's not working.  Giving God the silent treatment is accomplishing nothing!  I cannot deny that God is faithful.  Even in the midst of my disappointment I see God taking care of me in other ways.  I have no choice but to begin to make peace with my disappointment, to begin again with God, to try to have a different understanding of what it means to walk with God.  I don't quite know how to do that, but I am committed to staying on the journey.  I will share more about this in my next entry.  Thanks for walking alongside me on this journey so far.

Following the Way,
Kevin

Letting Others In

"It is not good for man to be alone." 

Genesis 2:18

This is the first social commentary on the human condition in the Bible and these ancient words are still so true in our modern world today.  Prolonged social isolation can have devastating effects on an individual and yet for many of us withdrawing is the first thing we do when we experience pain.  We run. We hide.  We lock ourselves in.  We lock others out, often the ones who love us the most.  We feel that we need to process the pain alone, but this is a very dangerous game we're playing.  Getting into the habit of shutting others out when in pain can lead us down a very dark road where we find ourselves unable to find the light again and too far gone for anyone to see us lost in the dark.  So why do we do it?  Why do so many of us shut others out when we need them the most?

I have my own reasons and maybe you'll be able to relate to some of them.

Where is God?

"My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?"

These are not the words of a person who has no faith.  These are not the words of a person who doesn't know God.  These are the words of Jesus in the midst of agonizing pain on the cross in Matthew 27:46 and I'm so glad he said them!  Why?  Because knowing that even Jesus felt this way at least once enables us to be gentle with ourselves when we feel the same way.  Sometimes in the midst of great pain and difficulty we don't feel God around us at all.  We feel forgotten and forsaken.  We can't help but ask, "Where is God?"  Often we feel guilty or make others feel guilty for asking such a question, but this question is an authentic part of the journey with God.

"My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?"

Jesus was not the first person to ever say this or feel this way.  He is quoting Psalm 22, written a thousand years before his time.  People on the journey have been wrestling with this for a very long time: the felt absence of God in the presence of real pain.  I don't believe that God disappears when we are hurting, but that sometimes the pain we experience in life is so great it becomes all that we can see, all that we can feel.  It can become so overwhelming and blind us to everything else.  When you have lost your mother to cancer and you're only a teenager, when you have had 3 miscarriages in a row but still no children, when the love of your life has left you and has shattered your heart to pieces, it is hard to feel God, hard to see God in your life, hard to believe that God is still there.

Feeling this way is ok.  Anyone on the journey will feel this way at one point or another.  Don't lie about it.  Don't pretend it's not there.  Don't feel guilty.  Feel what you're feeling and bring it all to God.  Your frustration, your disappointment, your anger, your rage, bring it all to God.  Take comfort in knowing that you are not alone in feeling what you're feeling.  For thousands of years people on the journey have been struggling with the exact same feelings.  You are not alone.

I don't know why life can be so painful at times, but in moments when life has broken my heart and I can't see God and I can't hear God and I can't feel God, I sit and I wait.  I know that feeling forsaken is not the same as being forsaken.  I know that  I am surrounded by a God that I sometimes cannot feel because the pain gets in the way. And if knowing this isn't enough I sit and I wait until it is.

Following the Way,
Kevin

When It Hurts

Why, LORD, do you stand far off? Why do you hide yourself in times of trouble?
Psalm 10:1

Has anyone else ever felt this way?  Are we willing to admit to ourselves that we have?  As believers far too often we get really fake with what we're feeling.  We're expected to smile and say, "All is well!" when all is not well.  Sometimes we think that faith requires us to actively deny the reality in front of us.  Ignore the pain; ignore the questions; ignore everything that doesn't fit into our neat and tidy, black and white theology.  That's not what faith requires and the result of hiding our pain is that others around us feel like they have to do the same thing.  Sometimes you end up with entire faith communities that are hurting, but everyone is suffering alone because no one feels safe enough to be honest about their pain, doubt and disappointment.

Let me be the one to say that this passage above echoes exactly what my heart is saying to God right now.  I take a look at some areas in my life and can't help but ask, "God, where are you"?

What do we do when it hurts?  I want to take a few weeks to talk about this.  Let's talk about all the things "good Christians" aren't supposed to talk about: our pain, our doubts, our disappointments.  Why?  Because we cannot say that we are in relationship with God without bringing our whole selves to God, everything: the good, bad and the ugly.  And we cannot say that we are in relationship with one another if we are not willing to be open and transparent with each other even when it gets uncomfortable. This is what it means to have authentic community.

To anyone who may be hurting right now please know that you are not alone.  Whatever you may be facing in life you are not alone.  We all have our pain, our struggles, our unanswered questions.  Let's walk out this faith journey together.

Following the Way,
Kevin

One Less Tear

These past couple of weeks have been trying for me.  I have felt beaten down by life, felt helpless to effect the kind of change I want, frustrated and tired of facing one struggle after another.  I need a break.  Can I get a time out?  I've been angry.  I'm tired of obstacles coming into my life that I have no control over.  I've put so much effort into guarding my heart and yet I find it broken again.  I find no humor in the irony.  I have reached my breaking point.  I don't understand what God is up to or why he has allowed such struggle in my life.  I am tired.  They say that trials come to make you strong.  Well if that's the case then people can stop calling me Kevin and start calling me the Incredible Hulk!  And I can't be the only one who has ever felt this way.  Sometimes you want to say, "Hey God, remember me?  I know you're busy and all, but a little help here would be nice.  Thanks!"

"Hold on.  Don't give up.  Hang in there."  Hearing these words are not very comforting when you are facing great difficulty, but what other option is there?  I'm hurting right now.  I'm angry right now.  I'm tired and frustrated right now,  but I'm not ready to give up.  I have to keep going.  I've experienced too many moments of joy to give up now.  And though I'm not particularly feeling this joy at this moment I know it will return, because the One who provides this joy is faithful.

Let's be honest, life can very quickly and unexpectedly become very difficult.  Sometimes success is crying one less tear than you did the day before.  You can't always fly.  You can't always run.  Sometimes you have to walk and when you don't have the strength for that sometimes you have to crawl.  The most important thing is that you keep moving.  What other option is there?

I trust God.  I often don't understand what He's up to, but I trust God and I am waiting patiently for joy to return because I know that it will.

Following the Way,

Kevin

On Loan

The earth is the LORD’s, and everything in it, 

the world and all who live in it.

Psalm 24:1

It is quite remarkable that even though we all know that EVERYONE is going to die at some point it still somehow catches us off guard every single time.  A wonderful woman by the name of Sonja Lartey recently passed away, far too soon, far too soon if you ask me.  I knew that she was sick and towards the end I knew that she was dying and yet when it happened—when she actually passed—I just couldn’t believe it.  For some reason I was in a state of shock.  Even when we see it coming we are never quite ready to say goodbye.

Death is hard.  Death is sad.  Death is so painful.  All of these are such huge understatements.  The sense of loss and helplessness simply cannot be put into words.  And yet experiencing the death of someone we love, someone we still can’t believe is gone, gives us a moment for reflection, to think deeply upon what really matters within the short span of our little lives.  If we are open God can meet us even in our grief and speak, whispering words of wisdom into our fragile and broken hearts.

Our capitalistic society is obsessed with having possessions.  The American Dream is centered on owning property as opposed to developing life-enhancing relationships for example.  On some level we even think we own one another: our husbands, our wives, our children, our friends, we act as if they belong to us.  And then death comes—and we are forced with the realization that they are not ours; they were never ours.  They never belonged to us; they were just on loan for a little while.  Everyone and everything belongs to God and every moment we get to spend with someone we love is a precious, precious gift and we never quite know when the loan will be recalled.

I implore you, don’t wait until it’s too late.  Find someone you love and tell them that you love them while you have the chance.  Find someone you’re grateful towards and say thank you.  Wrap your arms around someone you care about.  You never know when the loan may be recalled.

To Pastor Sonja, I don’t think most of us knew how much you meant to us until you were taken away.  Forgive us; forgive me.  We love you.  We really do miss you, but someday we will be where you are now: home.  Until then….

Following the Way,

Kevin