Looking Ahead To The Season Of Lent

As an evangelical Lent is one of the only seasons of the liturgical year that holds particular meaning for me.  Lent is a gift to a frenzied world: an opportunity to stop and look within, a chance for every believer to ask, “What does this Christian faith really mean to me?  What am I willing to give for it?  Many progressive Christians seem to think that sin no longer exists, that we can live our lives in whatever fashion we choose and a warm and fuzzy Jesus will never require more of us than we are willing to give.  Yet Lent is a season that reminds us that indeed sin is real and costly.  It is costly to God, costly to others and costly to ourselves.  Jesus’ agonizing death on the cross is proof of this.  And we are not following a Jesus who has no requirements of us.  What is this crucified Savior asking of me?  What do I owe the Lamb of God who takes away the sins of the world?  These are the questions I intentionally choose to wrestle with during the season of Lent.

So many of us have come from traditions that have beat us over the head with sin over and over again.  You couldn’t walk into church without feeling guilty and ashamed.  I grew up in an evangelical church and let me tell you the Catholics aren’t the only ones who know how to use shame!  Didn’t make it to Wednesday Night Bible Study?  Sin!  Forgot to say grace before lunch?  Sin!  Didn’t pay your tithes this week?  When Jesus comes back during the Rapture you’re going to be left behind!  And though the concept of sin has been terribly abused, the reality of sin does not disappear.  The acknowledgement of sin is not meant to be used as a tool to control, manipulate and shame others, but to provide an entrance for grace.  The acknowledgement of sin, the tendency in all of us to do harm to each other and ourselves creates a humility, a brokenness that leads us to discover the God who walks with us in broken places.  This is what comes to mind when I think of Lent: a Savior who came to earth to walk with us in our broken places, to save us from all the ways sin tries to rob us from truly living.

During the season of Lent what I find more important than giving something up although I will do that as well, is spending extra time in daily prayer examining myself in the sight of God.  It’s so easy to see the sin in others but can I see the sin lurking within my own heart?  What are the thoughts, attitudes and dispositions in me that separate me from God, from others and even my own soul?  “Search me O God and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.  See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting” (Psalm 139:23-24).  This is the cry of my heart and the prayer I will pray over and over again during Lent.  Jesus live out your resurrected life in me.  Cleanse me, wash me, purge me.  Make me aware of the things in me that are preventing You from dwelling in me more fully.

Whenever I approach God with this kind of humility God shows up with his presence and answers my prayers.  My eyes are opened and I begin to be aware of ways in which I fail God and others and myself, and the result is not shame or condemnation.  The brokenness revealed by the awareness of sin creates an entrance for grace.  “But where sin increased, grace abounded all the more,” (Romans 5:20). The brokenness creates more space in our hearts for God to dwell.  In the time I spend singing, praying and sitting quietly before God I feel washed over by waves of grace.  I feel that I am being carried by the Savior, the Lamb of God who has taken away my sin, is taking way my sin now and will continue to take away my sin in the future.  My response is love.  I fall in love all over again with this God, this Savior as gentle as a lamb, who walks with me in broken places and I commit myself again to following Jesus for the rest of my life.  Whatever it takes, whatever it may cost me my soul sings, “Take my life and let it be consecrated Lord to Thee”.  I will die to my own will and agenda in order to allow Jesus to live out his resurrected life in me.  Lent’s greatest gift is the reminder that I am completely dependent upon this God and it is this dependence paradoxically that liberates my soul and makes a full authentic life possible.  And this whole process begins with the acknowledgement of my own sin.

“It is in descending again into the darkness and silence of the womb of God do we reemerge into a world of light ready to begin our journey afresh.”

Following the Way,

Kevin

One Less Tear

These past couple of weeks have been trying for me.  I have felt beaten down by life, felt helpless to effect the kind of change I want, frustrated and tired of facing one struggle after another.  I need a break.  Can I get a time out?  I've been angry.  I'm tired of obstacles coming into my life that I have no control over.  I've put so much effort into guarding my heart and yet I find it broken again.  I find no humor in the irony.  I have reached my breaking point.  I don't understand what God is up to or why he has allowed such struggle in my life.  I am tired.  They say that trials come to make you strong.  Well if that's the case then people can stop calling me Kevin and start calling me the Incredible Hulk!  And I can't be the only one who has ever felt this way.  Sometimes you want to say, "Hey God, remember me?  I know you're busy and all, but a little help here would be nice.  Thanks!"

"Hold on.  Don't give up.  Hang in there."  Hearing these words are not very comforting when you are facing great difficulty, but what other option is there?  I'm hurting right now.  I'm angry right now.  I'm tired and frustrated right now,  but I'm not ready to give up.  I have to keep going.  I've experienced too many moments of joy to give up now.  And though I'm not particularly feeling this joy at this moment I know it will return, because the One who provides this joy is faithful.

Let's be honest, life can very quickly and unexpectedly become very difficult.  Sometimes success is crying one less tear than you did the day before.  You can't always fly.  You can't always run.  Sometimes you have to walk and when you don't have the strength for that sometimes you have to crawl.  The most important thing is that you keep moving.  What other option is there?

I trust God.  I often don't understand what He's up to, but I trust God and I am waiting patiently for joy to return because I know that it will.

Following the Way,

Kevin

More Than Grateful

This Christmas I didn’t need anything waiting for me under the tree because I had already received so much.  I experienced the faithfulness of God in such a profound way in 2010.  I feel so full right now.  I’m so tempted to leap out of my chair and have a praise break right here in the office!  GOD IS GOOD!!!  This is the cry of my heart right now.  In the midst of transition and uncertainty God is good and has proven to me over and over again that He can be trusted.

I just need to publicly thank God for all that I have received in 2010.  It was a year of major transition for me and God was there to lead me every step of the way.  He never left me alone. When I couldn’t walk he carried me.  When I was weak his presence made me strong. When worry began to grip my heart he gave me peace.  When friends walked away he brought wonderful people into my life to fill the void.  When I needed a new church home he blessed me with an amazing community of faith I am honored to be a part of.  When I experienced lack he provided.  When I failed he showed me grace.  When I fell he showed mercy.  When I was hungry and thirsty for something more than this world could provide he filled me with himself and now I am satisfied. 

What did I ever do to deserve such love and what can I ever do to repay God for it?  I am overwhelmed and I must say thank you.  I am more than grateful for God’s abiding indwelling presence.  I am more than grateful for this strength and joy that leaps up out of my soul when I need it most.  I am more than grateful for this love that cannot be named, that cannot adequately be described or measured that I can feel deep within the marrow of my bones, coursing through my veins, echoing in even the darkest corners of my soul where no one else dare go.  I am more than grateful that I have fallen in love with a God who had already fallen in love with me from day one.

It’s too much to take in.  I am held by love.  I am carried by love.  I am drowning in love.  I can’t understand it.  I can’t explain it.  I can’t repay God for it.  All I can say is thank you!

Following the Way,

Kevin

The Quiet Place

My God this has been a trying week for me!  I've been hit with a number of things from a bunch of different directions.  Have you ever felt tired in your soul, like your inner strength has just about been completely depleted?  That's what this week has been like for me.  Anger, sadness, disappointment, helplessness, I've experienced all of that in the span of just a few days that has felt so much longer.  I'm so glad it's Friday!

I've been fighting hard to keep my head above water and now I am ready to sink, sink into God, sink into myself, get reconnected with the sense of joy, gratitude and wonder that has sustained me time and time again.  I have drifted away from myself.  I've allowed external circumstances to cut me off from my inner peace, essentially to cut me off from my own being.  I want it back and I'm going to spend time this weekend shutting everything else out and being alone with God and myself.

It is in that quiet place that I spring back to life.  It is in that quiet place that I am rejuvenated and strengthened and born again.  It is in this sacred silence and solitude that I experience more fully the fellowship of God and come to realize that I am surrounded by Presence and discover I have more strength to continue the journey than I thought I had and an increasing sense of joy to go along with it as well.  It is in descending again into the darkness and silence of the womb of God do we reemerge into a world of light ready to begin our journey afresh.  To this quiet place I will go for I have been away too long.


Following the Way,
Kevin

Thank You!

There are moments in my life when I am just so grateful to be alive, moments when I realize that the weight of all of my problems, issues, fears and concerns simply cannot compare to the joy of being, the joy of living, the joy of taking in a breath and smelling the morning air and feeling the warmth of the sun upon my face.

I am grateful!  Grateful for eyes that see and ears that hear!  Grateful for arms and legs, hands and feet that move!  Grateful for the heart beating within me and every single functioning component of the intricate system of my physical body!  Grateful for this day and all of the possibilities it contains.

I am grateful and I must say thank you.  My soul must say thank you.  To the One who is Beauty, Mystery and Light; the One who is and causes everything else to be, the One who will always be everything I'll ever need: Thank You!  Thank You!!  Thank You!!!

"You turned my wailing into dancing; you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy, that my heart may sing to you and not be silent. 

O LORD my God, I will give you thanks forever."

Psalm 30:11-12

Following the Way,
Kevin

Good Morning God

I woke up this morning and I said, "Good Morning God".  It's a spiritual practice I have used in the past and am returning to again.  It's a practice that emphasizes devotion.  By setting aside my first words of every morning to God I demonstrate the place of importance God holds in my life.  In saying Good Morning I am saying to God: You are my first love.  You are the first thing on my mind when I awake; the first thing upon my heart when I begin to stir myself out of bed.  Before my feet even touch the floor I long to commune with You. Brushing my teeth, washing my face, emptying my bladder can wait; I must greet the One who watched over me all night as I was sleeping.  I must reach out to the One who is always reaching out to me. I must turn to face the One who has never hidden his face from me and so I simply say Good Morning.

It's also a practice that emphasizes presence.  I greet God because I realize that God is there and is always there.  There will never be a morning when I will awake to find myself alone.  No, God is always there and by simply saying Good Morning my spirit is reminded of this fact.  And knowing this makes all the difference in how I go about my day whatever it may hold.

Good Morning God!  I am more than grateful for the privilege of greeting You this morning and sharing with You another day.

Following the Way,
Kevin

Joy!!!

I am having one of those days again when the joy of God is just rumbling and tumbling inside of me.  I don't know what to do with myself!  Go to the bathroom and cry tears of joy?  Run around the office shouting God's praises and confuse my coworkers?  Or let it all hang out and just bust out in tongues and dance the way we Pentecostals do when we get a little too excited in church and REALLY confuse my co-workers?

I love days like this!  I am in awe of God's grace and I feel kissed by God's grace right now.  That's the best way I can put it.  Grace is always present but sometimes you feel like it just reaches down and kisses you on the cheek and wraps its arms around you.  I feel like I am about to spontaneously grow wings and take to the sky!  I don't know how anyone could live without ever feeling like this.  I'm just in awe of life, of God, of grace, of the soul's ability to be a sponge sometimes and just soak up all of the joy it can find.

What a gift!  This day.  This moment.  This awareness of grace.  How could I ask for anything more?

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.   

Romans 5:13

Following the Way,

Kevin