Meeting God in the Storm

On Sunday, August 28 Boston got a taste of Tropical Storm Irene.  I had begun to move from one apartment to another the day before.  Yes I know, bad timing!  I was at my mom's, sitting in her bed upstairs, listening to the wind howl and the rain beat heavily against the window.  It's the same house I grew up in as a child and even in adulthood there is something so comforting about being in my mom's room, wrapped up in her blankets!  From time to time I have trouble sleeping.  There are some nights like last night when I just lay awake for hours, but EVERY time I visit my mom and sneak off into her room I fall asleep, EVERY single time.  I just can't explain it.

Anyway, I was in bed watching TV, so glad to be completely sheltered from the storm when I began to feel the presence of God slip into the room.  It was unexpected, but it should not have been.  I allowed myself to be still for a moment and became aware of the Presence that had always been there.  It happens every time I allow myself to be still.  I thought to myself isn't it just like God to show up in the middle of a storm?  The wind is raging outside, knocking down tree branches and power lines.  The rain is beating against the window as if it really wants to come in and here comes God, quietly, but so surely stepping into the room and meeting me in the middle of the storm.  I began to pray and I began to feel that every single storm I've ever experienced in my life would be used by God to bring out something good, that all of the things I've thought of as burdens God would use them to become sources of blessing for me and for others.

This is the God that I know, the God who is not deterred by raging winds and relentless rain.  The God who is not deterred by your past.  The God who is not deterred by your rage.  The God who is not deterred by your unbelief.  This God will meet you in the storm, whatever storm you may be experiencing in your life right now.  God will meet you there and God will use the very things that came into your life to hurt you to bless you.  The God who turns burdens into blessings will meet you in the storm.

And so I say thank you, even for the winds and the rain, even for the challenges and the obstacles, even for the disappointments and the pain.  If I had never shed a tear than I would have never discovered the God who turns tears into dancing.  And so I say thank you, even for the storm, but most of all for the God who's not afraid to meet me there.

Following the Way,
Kevin

Eyes That See

Making Peace with Disappointment

Anyway

My best friend wrote this song years ago and it is still a source of encouragement to me to this very day.  For anyone experiencing pain, difficulty, loss or just the twists and turns of life, may this song encourage you as well.  

Following The Way,

Kevin

Anyway

By Lois Commodore

In the good times it’s so easy to smile.  It’s so easy to pray when there are sunny days.

But when the bad times come and my tears block the sun, I’ll still praise the Lord anyway.

The Lord gives and He takes away.  I will praise his name anyway.

The Lord gives and He takes away and I will praise his name anyway.

I don’t know if tomorrow will bring me joy or sorrow.  Sometimes uncertainty gets the best of me.  But in God my future is sure.  I know I am secure so I will praise the Lord anyway.

The Lord gives and He takes away.  I will praise his name anyway.

The Lord gives and He takes away and I will praise his name anyway.

Persecuted but not forgotten; cast down but never broken.  When loved ones leave and friends turn away, I can still find the peace to lift my voice and say.

He gives, He gives and He takes away.  I will praise his name anyway.

The Lord gives and He takes away and I will praise his name anyway.

When God Disappoints

I have to admit I do not handle disappointment well.  When people disappointment me there's an automatic response in me to withdraw.  I don't even realize I'm doing it most times and many times it's a subtle withdrawal: a facial expression, the absence of a smile, a polite coldness.  I'm often not aware that I am subtly withdrawing until someone points it out to me.  It's something I have struggled with for a very long time, but I need to learn to make peace with disappointment because it's a guarantee that people will disappoint you from time to time.  Disappointment from people is inevitable, but what do you do when you feel disappointed by God?  I don't know.  I'm working through this right now.

Anyone who walks with God long enough will experience disappointment with God.  It's a part of the authentic journey with God.  Walk with God long enough and God will disappoint you.  Not because God wants to hurt your feelings, not because God ceases to be faithful; God never ceases to be faithful, but because God often does the unexpected and often leaves the expected undone.  Our disappointment stems from our expectations of God and sometimes, as in any relationship, our expectations need to be adjusted.

I am disappointed with God right now regarding a major area of my life.  I have asked for God's help with something that I cannot make happen on my own and it hasn't happened yet.  I feel like it's been a long time.  I have watched many other people in my life have what I am still praying for and there are times when I can't help but ask,  "God where are you?  Do you see me?  Can't you see that I'm hurting?  Do you care?  When are you going to do something?  I can't make this happen on my own and I don't think I can wait much longer."  It's hard.  It's frustrating.  I feel it's unfair.  I don't know what to do.

I withdrew from God in prayer because I couldn't help but feel that God was responsible for my pain in some way.  Has anyone else ever felt that way?  I felt that God was just watching me go through life with a broken heart and not doing anything so I withdrew.  I stopped talking to God in prayer and in doing so I cut myself off from a major source of strength in my life.  Big mistake!

So what do I do now?  My back is against the wall.  I can't fall back on my default position: withdrawal; that's not working.  Giving God the silent treatment is accomplishing nothing!  I cannot deny that God is faithful.  Even in the midst of my disappointment I see God taking care of me in other ways.  I have no choice but to begin to make peace with my disappointment, to begin again with God, to try to have a different understanding of what it means to walk with God.  I don't quite know how to do that, but I am committed to staying on the journey.  I will share more about this in my next entry.  Thanks for walking alongside me on this journey so far.

Following the Way,
Kevin

Still Say Thank You

Gratitude is something I try to weave into my everyday life. I usually do a pretty good job doing so, but sometimes I lose sight of all the reasons I have to be grateful.  Sometimes I focus too much on what I don't have.  Sometimes when I'm hurting, frustrated and disappointed I forget to say thank you.  And saying thank you is important because even when there's a lot of stuff in my life going wrong I still have to be grateful for all the stuff that's going right.  Even when I am angry at God I still have to say thank you to God for being the Source that sustains me, for being the Source of everything that is good in my life.

There's a song titled, "Still Say Thank You", and every time I hear it I am pulled back to that place of gratitude.  I'm reminded that weaving a posture of gratitude into your daily life is absolutely essential to living well no matter what life may throw at you.  I hope that listening to this song will do the same for you.

Following the Way,
Kevin

Letting Others In

"It is not good for man to be alone." 

Genesis 2:18

This is the first social commentary on the human condition in the Bible and these ancient words are still so true in our modern world today.  Prolonged social isolation can have devastating effects on an individual and yet for many of us withdrawing is the first thing we do when we experience pain.  We run. We hide.  We lock ourselves in.  We lock others out, often the ones who love us the most.  We feel that we need to process the pain alone, but this is a very dangerous game we're playing.  Getting into the habit of shutting others out when in pain can lead us down a very dark road where we find ourselves unable to find the light again and too far gone for anyone to see us lost in the dark.  So why do we do it?  Why do so many of us shut others out when we need them the most?

I have my own reasons and maybe you'll be able to relate to some of them.